都TM赖瓜瓜的贴吧打开国外也有段子手：瓜瓜，你这不懂规矩啊！西江月-song02-26 19:00小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，欧冠赛场上，巴萨在斯坦福桥和切尔西战平，曼联和塞维互交白卷，拜仁则是取得大胜。周末赛场，曼城击败阿森纳夺得联赛杯冠军，曼联赢得了和切尔西的焦点之战，而利物浦、巴萨、皇马等球队则纷纷获得大胜。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！瓜帅曼城首冠，曼城3-0阿森纳Seafuckyouidont(切尔西球迷)：瓜瓜你这根本不懂规矩啊，每年献祭一个冠军，这样才能确保温格能留任啊！(Pep you don’t know the rule, sacrifice one trophy per year so that Wenger keeps his job.)Lordarc(利物浦球迷)：今天奥斯皮纳从球网里捡球的次数，都要比奥巴梅杨这场比赛触球的总次数多了吧！(I think Ospina collected the ball out of his net more times than Aubameyang had touches today and that sums up the game.)Potato_Trainz(阿森纳球迷)：你乱讲，你造我家奥巴有多努力吗？人家明明触球了5次了好不好！(Shut up you cunt, Auba got like 5 touches all day and you’ll never know how hard he tried.)TheMexicanJuan(巴萨球迷)：如果阿森纳输了球，然后欧联杯又被AC米兰淘汰的话，那等待温格的将会是什么呢…(If Arsenal loses today and AC Milan knocks them out, what would happen to Wenger?)Erktz190(阿森纳球迷)：哦，当然是下赛季接着执教我厂啦！(Oh! He'll still be there next year.)ffs_fml(曼城球迷)：孔帕尼进球后如此激烈的庆祝竟然没有受伤，我真是倍感欣慰…(I'm so happy that Kompany ddn't injure himself with that celebration.)Aguerooo(曼城球迷)：阿圭罗、孔帕尼和席尔瓦都进球了，仿佛一下子回到了几年前…(Aguero, Kompany, and Silva all scoring. Rolling back the years today.)athul_17x(阿森纳球迷)：唉，他们什么时候才颁发“看谁净投入最少大赛”的冠军奖杯啊？(Does anyone know when they hand out the net spend trophy?)DarthLordi(热刺球迷)：这赛季，阿森纳在温布利输球的场次，竟然和热刺一样多…(Arsenal have now lost as many games at Wembley this season as Spurs.)(注：本赛季温布利球场为热刺的主场)Pacem_et(阿森纳球迷)：我们已经夺得了酋长杯了，谁还需要这个冠军呢？(We've got the Emirates Cup, who needs this one.)Chivalrous(阿森纳球迷)：现在阿森纳的场上11人可以继续做做发型，然后再Youtube上和网友撕撕逼，这才是他们的本职工作啊！(Now the Arsenal XI can get back to their full-time job of doing their hair and arguing with Youtubers).SimonCollings(未知主队球迷)：教授最后在抱怨场边第四官员没有给足伤停补时的时间，而第四官员回答道：“你为什么想要更多的时间？这只会让阿森纳变得更糟啊！”(Wenger
asked the fourth official why he didn’t allocate the correct amount of
injury time. Says official replied by saying: “Why do you want more
time, it just gets worse for Arsenal!”)RunawaySlav(阿森纳球迷)：教授能不能在场边做些有意义的事情，而不只是双手插兜摆造型…(Is wenger gonna do something or is he just going to stand there with his hands in his pockets looking handsome.)卢卡库进球，曼联2-1切尔西tms12345(阿森纳球迷)：在你阅读这条评论的时候，英国记者已经飞快地写了173条关于孔蒂即将下课的新闻。(Journalists across the UK are drafting 173 Conte sacking speculations as you read this comment.)badass_guts(未知主队球迷)：卢卡库竟然面对联赛前6进球了？世界末日要到了么？(Lukaku scoring against a top 6 English club? The end is near.)kingtaboo2(利物浦球迷)：不，为了恶心卢卡库，切尔西一定会设法掉出积分榜前6的！(No, that means Chelsea will drop out of the Top 6 this year just to fuck with Lukaku.)tson_92(曼联球迷)：不记得我们什么时候签下了一名叫“莫拉塔”的帅哥后卫啊？你看他今天给我们奉献了多少次关键解围！(I didn't remember us signing a handsome CB named Morata but he did good defence for us today.)Redhoodguy(切尔西球迷)：切尔西是本赛季第一支让水晶宫进球的球队，也是第一支让卢卡库进球的前6的球队，真特么绝了…(Chelsea first to concede against Crystal Palace, first to concede to Lukaku of big six. Classic.)Kaisersg(未知主队球迷)：我坚信，摩西一定是个无神论者，你看他是多么抗拒传中啊！(I swear, Moses must be an atheist, he fucking hates crosses.)(注：cross双关，意为“传中”，也有 “十字架”的意思)Yzct(曼联球迷)：我们要不要想办法让卢卡库给卢卡库传中试试？(We need to find a way to get Lukaku crossing to Lukaku.)酣畅淋漓，利物浦4-1西汉姆联PhuQDuP(利物浦球迷)：其实卡里乌斯的表现还是不错的，没有他的发挥，我们不可能排在第3的！(Karius is good anyway, we can’t rank 3rd without him.)Topfcc(曼城球迷)：…不然就排在第1了？(Or else you will rank 1st.)ham_mersII(西汉姆联球迷)：如果我是利物浦的老大，我一定会不惜一切代价留下萨拉赫！(If I was charging Liverpool I would keep Salah at all cost.)yoshi570(巴黎球迷)：好主意，你开的价是多少呢？(Good advice. What’s the cost?)梅西苏牙库鸟齐进球，巴萨6-1赫罗纳Ponicysta(巴萨球迷)：我恨自己出生太晚，错过了梅西刚出道时的年华；我又恨自己出生太早，而不得不亲眼看着梅西变老…(I was born too late to watch Messi’s early years performance and too early to escape from seeing him getting old.)(图)：梅西打破了攻破最多西甲球队数目的纪录nochet2211(巴萨球迷)：这让我想起了MSN还在的时候…(That reminded me of the good old MSN days.)dabbas97(未知主队球迷)：如果你踢巴萨时不摆大巴，这就是你的下场…(Well, this is what happens when you don’t park the bus against Barcelona.)Dangerdgm(切尔西球迷)：库鸟在巴萨的第一个进球是苏牙的助攻，而库鸟在巴萨的第一个助攻则是苏牙进的球！(Philippe Coutinho’s first goal for Barcelona was assisted by Luis Suarez and Philippe Coutinho’s first assist was scored by Luis Suarez.)Justdevine(利物浦球迷)：作为利物浦球迷，这种感觉就像是两个前任一起在当着我的面和新欢亲嘴一样…(As a Liverpool fan, it's like watching two ex's kissing their new love in front of my face.)Gimjun(巴萨球迷)：其实，我觉得梅西在鞋子上涂胶水的做法应该是犯规的吧…(seriously, they should make it illegal for messi to use glue on his shoes.)Targareyan(巴萨球迷)：苏牙最后想方设法要得黄牌，真是莫名充满了喜感…(Super fun watching Suarez trying his best to get a yellow lol.)BBC进球C罗让点，皇马4-0阿拉维斯HowManyWerePure(巴萨球迷)：麻蛋，我喜欢上C罗了怎么办？(Wtf I love ronaldo now?!)Wasssan(阿森纳球迷)：想象一下，要是本泽马踢丢了那个点球会怎样…(Imagine if Benzema missed that penalty.)18Zuck(曼联球迷)：过了33岁生日后，C罗在参加的每场比赛里都进球了！(Ronaldo has scored in every game since he turned 33. Christ)Notyourdaddy(皇马球迷)：在过去的10场比赛里，阿拉维斯拿了22分，而皇马只拿了21分…(previous 10 games for each team: Alaves - 22 points. Real - 21 points.)Youshantpass(皇马球迷)：拉莫斯没上场，我们终于实现零封啦！(Lol clean sheet without Ramos.)威廉进球梅西扳平，切尔西1-1巴萨SpicyWok(切尔西球迷)：每次梅西一拿球，我总有种菊花一紧的感觉…(Every time Messi makes a run my butt is clenched.)Lirishred(巴萨球迷)：每次威廉在禁区前拿球，我就情不自禁地吓尿出来一点点…(Everytime William take balls in front of the box I would leak some pees.)Speckleberry(狼队球迷)：为啥像切尔西和利物浦这样的球队，在踢斯旺西和沃特福德的时候简直就像一坨翔，而踢欧冠的时候瞬间就来劲了呢？(How do teams like Chelsea and Liverpool look like absolute bag of shit in the league vs the Swanseas and Watfords but then pull out actual quality in the Champions League?)Nuateng(巴萨球迷)：看到那个两次踢中门柱的家伙了么，咱不用管他啦，就让他在那里射门就行，反正他还会击中门柱的！(&Hey, you know that guy that's hit the woodwork twice already? We should probably leave him completely unmarked in the exact same spot. Surely he'll keep missing.&)Shomeagain(阿富汗球迷)：是时候让巴尔韦德在半场结束时踢巴萨球员的屁股了！(Time for a trademark Valverde half time kick in the ass.)GhostOfCaesar(贝尔格莱德球迷)：在这场比赛里，暴力鸟瞬间恢复了中超的水平…(Interesting choice by Paulinho to revert back to Chinese Super League mode for this game)Manonthirdd(赫尔城球迷)：也许是回到了伦敦，给了他一种在热刺踢球时的感觉吧…(Being back in London gave him flashbacks to his Spurs form.)(图)：芝麻开门！互交白卷，曼联0-0塞维利亚LDG92(澳大利亚球迷)：塞维利亚收获了平局，曼联收获了平局，而真正的输家则是看了这场比赛的观众…(Sevilla drew, United drew, everyone who watched it lost.)k_pasa(罗马球迷)：哎同志们，来看一眼罗马和顿涅茨克矿工的比赛吧！这才是真正有意思的足球啊！(HEY EVERYONE! COME ON AND SWITCH TO THE SHAKHTAR v ROMA MATCH! THE TEAMS ARE PLAYING ENTERTAINING FOOTBALL!)danskzwag(曼联球迷)：我们队员的身高都能打NBA了，结果却还是争不到头球…(We have a NBA height team and can't win headers.)K7AMEET(曼联球迷)：当你的死敌都在砍瓜切菜赢球的时候，曼联球迷却只能看这场XJBT…(imagine being a united man watching this dross while your rivals are ripping everyone apart.)Mitorandiro(科林蒂安球迷)：这场比赛就算再踢三个小时，两支球队怕还是都进不了球吧！(This game could take three hours and both team still wouldn't score.)Emotiona(埃弗顿球迷)：阿什利-扬的每次传中，都好像是为了找那只在他嘴里拉屎的鸟报仇一样…(Every Young’s cross if a revenge to the bird shitting in his mouth.)KohliCoverDrive(切尔西球迷)：毫无亮点的比赛，我的直播信号中断了20分钟，而我竟然都没有发现…(Game so boring that my stream was dead for twenty mins and I didn't even notice.)火力全开，拜仁5-0贝西克塔斯Monteg9226(利物浦球迷)：土耳其入侵欧洲的计划再一次失败了…感谢德国人！(Turkey invasion of Europe failed just like old times…Thanks to the Germans.)Can_Boss_THA(未知主队球迷)：拜仁找到了他们的新阿森纳！(Bayern found their new Arsenal.)Rapturexx(阿森纳球迷)：好歹我们还进了个球好吧…(At least we scored…)BeasT-m0de(沙尔克04球迷)：开场36分钟后，唯一一个没有射门的拜仁球员，就只剩门将乌尔赖希了…(after 36 minutes only one Bayern player without a shot on target .. Sven Ulreich.)okmann98(阿根廷球迷)：这么长时间以来，穆勒终于进了一个看起来不像是撞大运的球了…(This is the first Müller goal in a long time that doesn't seem like an accident.)Semrekurt(未知主队球迷)：在记分牌上，贝西克塔斯用的是缩写“BES”，而这在土耳其语里就是“5”的意思…(On scoreboard they use &BES& for Besiktas which means 5 in turkish.)(注：土耳其语中的“5”为be?)Rudygha(阿森纳球迷)：残酷的比分啊，也许他们知道4-0的结果在淘汰赛里并不保险吧！(Crucial goal. We all know that 4-0 may not have been enough for the second leg.)FCB_Rich(拜仁球迷)：但我们觉得5-1也许才是最保险的结果。(We all know 5-1 would have been the better result.)输球仍晋级，阿森纳1-2厄斯特松德Absurd_ism(阿森纳球迷)：既然没遇上拜仁，那我们就把对手塑造成拜仁吧！(As we don’t meet Bayern, we're making Ostersund look like them.)dbeers83(阿森纳球迷)：飞龙骑脸的局都差点丢，也只有我厂能干出这种事…(Jseus, only arsenal could have this lead almost lose.)tipytopmain(阿森纳球迷)：要是真丢了，恐怕以后的被逆转集锦里就没有米兰和巴黎什么事了…(They will never remember Paris and Milan if we were knocked out.)RWM921(阿森纳球迷)：厄斯特松德这支球队成立的时间和教授执教阿森纳的时间差不多，而我们却差点被他们淘汰…(Imagine nearly getting knocked out by a team as old as Wenger’s tenure as Arsenal manager.)BenTVNerd21(利兹联球迷)：也许阿森纳的后防是下注赌他们要被对方淘汰了吧！(I think the back line of Arsenal have a bet on themselves not to qualify.)(图)：如果你感到生活不易，就想想阿森纳球迷！MrNiceGuy95(中央陆军球迷)：厄斯特松德7年前还在瑞典第5级别联赛踢球，2011年格拉汉姆-波特执教球队，从此实现了联赛4级连跳，而今天又在酋长球场击败了阿森纳！(?stersunds were at the 5th division of Sweden 7 years ago. in 2011 Graham Potter takes over and gets them promoted 4 times. Today they beat Arsenal at Emirates.)Aqua_F1(阿森纳球迷)：如果我们真被这支瑞典球队淘汰了，那我…就要抵制宜家了！(If we get knocked out by this Sweden team I'm boycotting Ikea.)Tipytopmain(阿森纳球迷)：想开点兄弟，欧洲的好东西这么多，咱总不能全都给抵制了吧…(Forget it bro, there are too many good things in Europe for us to boycot.)Hennny(曼联球迷)：维尔贝克其实还是有在曼联时一样的病，那就是对进球过敏…(Welbeck's the same as he was at United - allergic to scoring.)DEUK_96(利兹联球迷)：不太了解瑞典联赛，厄斯特松德要在英国，大概和那支球队水平差不多呢？(Not familiar with Swedish teams, what English club is comparable in status to Ostersunds?)Zalbu(厄斯特松德球迷)：当然是阿森纳啦！(Arsenal of course.)好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本周的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这啦，让我们下期不见不散！消息参考来源：reddit
展开更多 Ⅴ热门推荐热门视频【早报】瓜瓜夸谁谁爆发，红魔“基石”将退役
【祝福他们，早日回归！】官方：贝兹莫尔因右膝挫伤赛季报销 名记：斯马特遭遇右手大拇指肌腱撕裂，归期未定 名记：韦斯利-马修斯遭遇右腿应力性骨折，赛季报销 官方：劳尔-内托手腕骨折，将至少缺阵2周 名记：丹尼尔-泰斯左膝半月板撕裂将接受手术，赛季报销 ——快讯布冯：只要我想继续战斗，就不会做出退役的决定3月13日讯 据意媒《football-italia》报道，与意大利双料队长布冯在参加活动时表示，只要我想要继续战斗，就不会退役。官方：南安普顿宣布主帅佩莱格里诺下课3月13日讯 南安普顿官方宣布，主帅佩莱格里诺下课。穆勒：海帅三冠王的经历是一大优势 瓦格纳对球队十分重要3月13日讯 拜仁球星托马斯-穆勒在接受采访时赞扬了球队主帅海因克斯，在海帅的带领下，南部之星三线作战均高歌猛进。吉鲁：在本赛季剩余的比赛都将像是决赛3月13日讯 切尔西前锋吉鲁在接受采访时认为，在接下来的英超中，切尔西剩余的9场比赛无异于是9场“决赛”。吴金贵：球队心理上很放松，拿下水原或掌握晋级主动3月12日讯 周二晚间，申花将在小组赛第四轮主场迎战水原。赛前，申花主帅吴金贵认为，如果本场比赛申花取胜，就将在小组中占据有利的出线位置。——每日比赛推荐【NBA重点比赛推荐】8940看点：复出，欲三杀！8940看点：主场战弱旅，为季后赛排位不得有失！【CBA重点比赛推荐】19:35 CBA季后赛首轮1
山东 19:35 CBA季后赛首轮1
【足球联赛重点比赛推荐】18:00 亚冠小组赛F组 蔚山现代
20:00 亚冠小组赛H组
水原三星 03:45 1/8决赛次回合 (0)
塞维利亚(0) 特别声明：本文为自媒体作者上传并发布，仅代表该作者观点。东方体育仅提供信息发布平台。
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