WWE Royal Rumble 2015: Which Philadelphia Eagles player would win a 30 man match? - Bleeding Green Nation
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The 2015 WWE Royal Rumble is being held at Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia on Sunday night starting at 7:30 PM EST. For those of you who don't care about wrestling, it's kind of a big deal. :
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"The Royal Rumble is based on the classic Battle Royal match, in which a number of wrestlers aim at eliminating their competitors by tossing them over the top rope, with both feet touching the floor. The winner of the event is the last wrestler remaining after all others have been eliminated.The Royal Rumble differs from the classical Battle Royal as the contestants do not enter the ring at the same time but instead are "assigned" entry numbers, usually via a lottery, although they can win guaranteed, desirable spots via a number of other scripted means, the most common being winning a match. This lottery is usually staged right before the event begins. The match begins with the two wrestlers who have drawn entry numbers one and two, with the remaining 28 wrestlers entering the ring at regular timed intervals, either 90 seconds or two minutes, according to their entry number."
Anyway, I was talking with some of the other BGN writers and I couldn't help but wonder who would win the Royal Rumble if instead of 30 WWE superstars it was 30
If I had better foresight, I would have thought of this sooner and bought a WWE video game, created 30 custom wrestlers modeled after Eagles players, and simulated a match...
style. But I didn't. So I'll just share share what I had in mind:
***Match begins***
Jim Ross and Merrill Reese on the call, Ed Rendell as the referee
enters at #1, gets booed loudly while walking into the ring
enters at #2, Cooper's fails to block Boykin's moves and the CB overcomes the perceived height disadvantage
runs in at #3 and delivers
o Boykin tosses Cooper over the ropes to eliminate him
o A blast from the past:
is #4, runs down the ramp carrying a container of gasoline that he leaves outside the ring
o An out-of-breath Cary "Sconce" Williams is #5
runs out to the ring yelling "KILL, MAIM, DESTROY"
o "" starts playing,
walks out to the ring at #7 but turns back and decides to stay out of the fight ()
o Cary eliminates Parkey, Boykin eliminates Cary
o #8 is , followed by...
o Andrews brothers team up to eliminate Mahe, Braman
comes in at #10 to help Boykin even the odds against the Andrews brothers
follows Kelce at #11, delivers The People's Elbow to Stacy Andrews
o Shawn Andrews abandons the match
playing and Ricky Watters come out to the ring as #12 wearing a "For Who, For What" shirt
o Another heel... this time it's the biggest one of them all:
enters the match at #13
o T.O. eliminates Kelce after hitting him with a low blow
o Ric Flair's theme music starts playing...
o Curry eliminates Stacy Andrews
o Freddie Mitchell enters at #15 while carrying a fake championship title
o Boykin eliminates Mitchell, who is taken back to jail after being eliminated
enters at #16, but just takes a seat in the first row for the entire match and never gets to enter the ring
runs in at #18 and eliminates Kolb in hopes to be more like his brother
o Sirens go off, a firetruck drives out onto the entrance ramp,
gets out of the truck at #19
o Howard Mudd drives up to the ring on the Muddmobile before Watkins can enter and yells at him to scare him off
o T.O. eliminates Boykin and Mathis, which upsets the crowd
o #20 is a surprise return that gets a huge pop: BRIAN DAWKINS
o Dawkins goes toe-to-toe with T.O. before turning his attention to Watters
o Dawkins eliminates Watters
o #21 is Cedric "Swamp" Thornton, a tough out
o Big John Runyan enters at #22
o T.O. eliminates Braman
o T.O. eliminates McNabb, but McNabb sets up a table outside the ring and uses Mahe's gas container to set it on fire, Dawkins makes a diving tackle on T.O. through the table and eliminates himself and T.O. in the process
o #24 is , because Oregon Bias
o Sproles somehow eliminates Curry, Runyan
burns him on the way to the ring to steal his spot (Hmm, another Oregon player)
o Huff somehow eliminates himself
o #27 is , which causes people to wonder how the Oregon players got the best spots
o #28 is , and OK, this is ridiculous
enters the ring at #29... wait, how did a Washington player get involved?
comes in at number #30 and chokeslams Baker out of the ring. All other players respect The Franchise and merely eliminate themselves because no one messes with JP. Easy winner.
For coverage of the WWE Royal Rumble, .
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